Man I wish I had heard this song a few months ago. Pretty self explanatory really.

Well I'm so tired of the rain falling softly on the ground
Just enough to get my feet wet but not enough to let me drown
I've been laying in my bed, wishing I had never woken
Begging God to rid my head of every word you've ever spoken

Broke my knuckles on the wall
Because I thought about the call
When you said you'd always love me
Do you not tell the truth at all

Well if I ever cross your mind
Make sure you write down the times
So I will know the moments I was eating you alive

And I now I lay here, waiting with the hope that
I might find some sleep
I need some sleep tonight
Cause I've been waiting on your call
But I know it will never come
But I'm still waiting by the phone

And don't you dare (don't you dare)
Say you ever loved me or even tell me that you cared
Cause you knew what you were doing and you know just what you've done
How dare you say miss me with your spit still on his tongue

I am broken, I am beaten, I'm mistreated and I'm torn
I am cold with no direction but I'm lost without your warmth
I'm trying hard to find some hope that I might get the chance to breathe
Get off my mind, give back my heart and get the fuck away from me

I know I couldn't give you much

But I know I gave my best
You were always my princess
And now he's sliding up your dress
And I know I gave the world everything I've ever had
Johnny Cash said love would burn
I never thought it hurt this bad

Well I'm so tired of the rain falling softly on the ground
Just enough to get my feet wet but not enough to let me drown
I've been laying in my bed, wishing I had never woken
Begging God to rid my head of every word you've ever spoken

Broke my knuckles on the wall
Because I thought about the call
When you said you'd always love me
Do you not tell the truth at all

Well if I ever cross your mind
Make sure you write down the times
So I will know the moments I was eating you alive

You are the itch that's on my back
You are the gum under my shoe
You are the horrors of my past
You are the chill that haunts the room
You are the creaking on my steps
You are cancer you are plague
You are regret, you are disease
I wish that you would go away

Kindness.

A favourite quote of mine has always been the following from 1920's Mafia boss and all round sociopath Alphonse Gabriel Capone:

“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”

It's literally the best quote to ever come from the mouth of the worst person, akin to Pol Pot going on record as saying "Don't make the same mistakes your parents did, but be safe in the knowledge you will make a whole new set of your own" (spoiler alert: he did).

If you take the Capone quote as a standalone philosophy then it makes perfect sense and the moment I first read it as a teenager I identified with it completely. It's forever been me, seen as a walking contradiction in terms by many but in actuality really fucking fair minded.

Kindness is too often seen as an all encompassing attribute, as opposed to the basic emotion that vies for power with many, many others that it really is. A fundamentally kind person is not defined by this one term of endearment, nor should they ever be.

A civilised society based on religious rules will always dictate right from wrong to its subjects, one act being acceptable and another not at all. A religious person of any faith or doctrine (they are all pretty much interchangeable really: be good or the magic lad in the sky will punish you when you die) will tell you that the reason kindness exists is due to the teachings of a higher power, a gift bestowed upon humanity via a human prophet so we had some rules to live by. An intelligent atheist or agnostic will argue that all animals instinctively have these rules hard coded into them from the get go. After all, even insects display behaviour or act in a manner that we would define as protectiveness, revenge, maternal instinct, generosity, cruelty, murder, selfishness and of course kindness.

I have never, ever met anyone that is not kind in some ways and in some situations and I've never met anyone who is completely devoid of kindness. Even the very worst people I've encountered in nearly four decades on planet earth have displayed affection for their children or empathy for people or animals that are suffering etc.

For my part, I have always tried to be kind when it is warranted and I think I do a pretty good job most of the time. I can be charitable and generous, loving and warm. I am loyal to a fault and always try to look out for other people. Having said that, (and this will come as no surprise to anyone who really knows me) I can also be a cunt. I don't use that term lightly, but I can. I can be acerbic and venomous, aggressive and mean, nasty and violent even.

The way I look at it is that at least I'm honest about it and I always tailor my reaction to a given person or situation. If I am wronged or if a person treats me badly then they have it coming and that's it. Just because I don't walk around projecting an aura of "nice" or pretend to be something I'm not doesn't mean I'm not loving and decent, it just means that depending on how you conduct yourself around me you will experience a number of interchangeable character traits.

I think also that a lot of people just have a need to conform to societal expectation by "acting" kind.
These people tick all the boxes of the kind individual and subscribe to all the ideals, are visibly seen to wear the t-shirt and walk the walk but when you peel away the layers, the core of them is pretty much the opposite.

The best example I can cite of this is an individual I knew for about 12 years: outwardly an outspoken vegan, animal loving, liberal, enthusiastic, positive, sensitive, out-to-make-a-difference social justice warrior, they had me fooled enough to buy into this bullshit for a decade.

The reality though is far from all of that. This person even had a double redundant online presence just to make sure the outward face of how they were perceived could never be confused with who they really were. A few months spent really getting to know this individual and spending time with them brought with it the realisation that they were in reality the most shallow, selfish, dishonest, neurotic, validation seeking, cowardly, mercenary and vain of people, wrapped from head to foot in a blanket of misinformation so thick it took me five months to unwrap it. I'm so glad now that I did.

They say that life's a journey and it is, we all evolve and progress and none of us are the same person we were yesterday. As much as we will hold onto our core values and beliefs, our experiences will hone and change us more than we can appreciate. One thing I do know that will never change is my standing by that quote.

Live and let live by all means but as Al said, just because you are kind, it doesn't mean you have to be weak.