Oh shit I knew I would leave one out. And also a bit about hate and stuff. Bear with me.

Sorry, sorry I was distracted and tired and it was late and I promise that I'm not making excuses and I know it's unforgivable but I forgot Robbie Williams.

Robbie Williams is not a figure of hate for me. I can't really say with any degree of honesty that I "hate" him. I find it hard to really and truthfully hate people I have encountered in real life, much less someone I don't know at all. I can count the people that are walking the earth today that I hate on the fingers of one hand because although it is a massive cliche I do consider it to be a very strong word. If I hate you that means I would happily kill you if I had a slim chance of getting away with it. If for instance you harmed my beautiful, funny, innocent daughter or the clever, kind and generous lady I go to bed with on a night I would gladly see you in your grave so it kind of takes a lot.

Robbie Williams is an unhappy coincidence of a person that has a massive ego to hide his massive insecurities behind and I can't stand him. He is not the only person of his ilk by a long chalk but for todays purposes we will use him as an example. We aren't all good looking, most of us are ok, some of us are downright ugly. We don't all want to be famous or rich but some of us do and that's cool. Some of us are ugly and stupid. Some of us are ugly and clever. Some of us are ugly, stupid and famous and/or rich to boot! Wow, this is getting really in depth.

Imagine then if you will being gifted good looks, the ambition to become famous and the luck to achieve it. Then imagine being a complete fucking moaning bastard about how badly your life has panned out. Mr Williams does this all the time as far as I can fathom. The man has also spent the best part of 20 years doing the following both as part of a group and by himself:

-Having a lot of money.
-Being able to insert his dingaling in as many young and beautiful girls as are able to take it.
-Travelling the world to entertain hundreds of thousands of said young and beautiful girls.
-Staying in luxurious surroundings, eating great food, driving fast cars and having a massive fuckoff party any damn time he feels the need.

"Oh" you may cry "oh but such superficial things don't bring a person happiness, he is complex, he is in need of more than such a shallow existence, he has addictions, he goes for counselling, he is depressed. What a blinkered snapshot you have chosen to portray of him Mr Mutton".

Fuck all that. Here's an idea: Appreciate what you have for what it is and then build on that. Take a stroll on a winters night to any city centre church and see the poor bastards there freezing and lining up for a bowl of soup and a butty and ask any of those poor cunts about addiction or depression. Go to Peru or Lagos and see the children crawling across a mountain of rubbish for more hours a day than you or I work in order to salvage a few bottles or fill a sack with paper for recycling while getting pricked with hypodermic needles. Tell me how you would feel if you were a street kid in Brazil, sniffing glue out of a bag at 6 years old and risking being murdered by the very authorities that should be protecting you. Whatever you do, don't sit there taking advantage of all the finer things you have access to and then tell me you have anything to moan about that us mere mortals don't because whatever you have lost to fame has been far, far outweighed by the cool shit that you gained from it.

I am a Gary Barlow fan anyhow. He has done it right has the lad. Write the songs, get the royalties, get famous, shag the women, lose the fame, settle down, get married, have kids, have a comeback.

Williams: 0, Barlow: Several Thousand.

Being nice.

Here's the news: being nice doesn't seem to get anyone anywhere but it's still a worthy pursuit.

Society doesn't care too much about people being nice, we all focus on the negative. You can tell how important being nice really is when people that are in general complete cunts are nice once in a blue moon and for some reason that excuses them from being a twatbag the rest of the time.

Examples include but are not limited to:






Simon Cowell. A man that is such a caricature of nastiness his stage act has consumed him to the extent he no longer knows who he really is inside and probably has no real desire to find out. Simon Cowell wants to drink 2 bottles of red wine, hug a 20-something man for a straight hour and cry his eyes out then come out the other side with a hangover, drained tearducts and a sense of what he has become, throwing his black turtle neck jumper aside and striding down a Los Angeles street towards a gay sauna with a new sense of purpose.

Cowell is the perfect example of the type of person I am trying to llustrate, 95% complete and utter bastard that can get away with making a nice comment 5% of the time and people will say "I like him, see he is not that bad". Yes. Yes he is. He is a square headed cunt.




Gordon Ramsay.

The type of man that would reduce your girlfriend to tears for the sheer pleasure of it if she pulled out on him in a supermarket carpark, years of shouting the odds at teenage commis chefs have instilled in him that rudeness and all round cuntery can be passed off as assertiveness and self belief. Craggy faced, shouty, economically inept bully.



Elton John.

A man who has stolen the historically female concept of the diva and refuses point blank to give it back. Overinflated and egotistical to the point of boredom, lives in a world populated by the sycophantic and the servile. Furnish needs to tie him up, administer a sound beating and an energetic bumming and then look him straight in the eye and say "there are Princess Diana's everywhere Reg, let's start treating people with some damn respect."

A fitting quote to end on, and one from a member of seminal Welsh hip hop crew Goldie Lookin' Chain in reference to Elton John: "It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice."

Bang on sir.

A women who loves a man who loves to kill women and men.

I have forgiven the people I love for various transgressions over the years. Nothing too serious and nothing that has affected me too badly on a personal level, but still stuff that would make me think twice about making friends with a stranger or that would make me judge others I am not close to more harshly.

Certain people get a pass by virtue of the fact I have known them a very long time and the old adage "blood is thicker than water" has certainly been applied to my decision making in the past when a family member has acted in a way I deem to be less than satisfactory.

I do tend to over analyse myself and have for as long as I can recall and one thing I have gleaned is that I can be very wary of people that have committed crimes or have been to prison. It is wrong of me, it flies in the face of the concept of rehabilitation and it makes me too judgemental of people that may be fundamentally sound and have just slipped up along the way.

As always though the population of planet Earth is here to help me in my quest to feel normal because when some people throw caution to the wind they do it in such magnificent style it makes my bowels move.




Take for example Doreen Lioy, a freelance magazine editor that married Richard Ramirez in San Quentin prison in 1996. Ramirez AKA The Night Stalker is on death row for brutally murdering 13 people, mostly in their own homes. He raped and sodomised some including children and his methods of killing included execution with a .22 calibre pistol.

Ramirez was a transient with rotten teeth and terrible hygiene and a history of mental problems and Satanic worship but that and his subsequent incarceration has not stopped a long line of ladies forming that want to be in a relationship with him as apparently this behavior has elevated him in status to serial killing sex on legs.

Lioy corresponded with Ramirez for 11 years before they took the plunge, tying the not without traditional gold wedding bands as the groom insisted that "Satanists don't wear gold". What a dreamboat.

Can I just be not the first to say what the fuck were you thinking woman?!!

You mean to assert that you could not go out and meet a nice young man or a succession of nice young men until you found the person you wanted to settle down with? You couldn't maybe lower yourself to join a dating agency or go to a few singles bars? Kiss a number of frogs until you found your prince? "Mom, I have found The One. He is a Mexican serial killer and I don't care what you and Dad say we are in love".

I understand that some woman (and we are talking only about the fairer sex here, the instances of men corresponding with and ultimately marrying female death row inmates are basically non existent as far as me and Google are aware) are attracted to famous or infamous men. I understand some get off on the "danger" but if that fame and that danger are the result of a mans mental illness and subsequent killing and raping spree during which he takes eyeballs as souvenirs and carves pentangles into the thighs of innocent pensioners then even the most needy of people (you would have thought) might take a step back and think "there is something a bit fishy about this dude, sure he works out and does a bit of painting but I don't think he is necessarily marriage material."

What about you? Would you marry an anal rapist murdering psychopath cat burgler? Let me know, operators are standing by.

And also..

One thing I have been meaning to state is that everything posted here is normally original content with zero research attributed to it. That means if it's good then it's the work of a higher power and me and if it's shit then it's down to just me. It's basically a poor Wikipedia page dealing with a wide variety of subjects and exclusively edited by one man while he listens to bad rap music and thinks about sex too much.

The last thing I was ever aiming for (not that I have ever bothered with any kind of mission statement or even a basic concept of content) was some unoriginal blog that consisted of reposting other peoples hard work, their comedy or thoughts and opinions without (or even with) their permission because that is far, far too easy to do and happens far too much.

My motivation or lack thereof has always been and will always be to have an outlet for my own rantings regardless of people finding it or reading it.

Here is a picture of a small naan that you will note illustrates perfectly the concept of forced perspective.

Other people need to send me shit if only to alleviate my inherant lazyness.

My new phone has decided to fly in the face of me recommending it to all and sundry by suddenly being a twat and not letting me email pictures from it.
Plus I am busy and not too motivated this time of year.

Saving me from this, my best friend sent me this pic today and felt I that it needed to be shared.
My man simply strolled into a well known purveyor of baked goods with a £200 note and THE FUCKING MAN decided he should have brought change. It's political correctness gone mad.
Thanks to Ginner.